Friday, September 7, 2012

Derby Confessions

Last week I posted a question to my Facebook derby family about their derby confessions; how have we sinned against the spirit of derby?  I was surprised about how many people answered my post, and how many of them answered my post by messaging me their answers.  "Please don't tell anyone this was me, but...."  Because of all of those messages, I'm going to own all of our bad behavior and ask to be forgiven.

Forgive us Derby Spirit, for we have sinned against this sport.  It has been 8+ years since our last confession.

We have not iced our joints after practice, and we have neglected to air our gear after each practice as well.
We have crop dusted deliberately on the track, and blamed it on the other team.
We have talked shit to another team and then have been butthurt when they have talked shit to us.
We have taken referees' names in vain.
We have used the same mouth guard for a year, and have kept that mouth guard in the bottom of our skate bag.
We have rolled our eyes at our fellow skaters and their performances.
We have brought our personal crap out on the track and ruined practice for our teammates.
We have given up at practice, sometimes quietly, sometimes loudly.
We have coveted another skater's gear and talents.
We have turned the sport into a sorority at times.
We have abused our teammates.
We have shirked our committee duties.
We have not stretched after practice.
We have fouled in derby, and complain horribly when others foul against us.
We have made regretful choices in our derby apparel.
We haven't tried our hardest to learn new skills.
We have spent hours looking at derby pictures of ourselves.
We haven't had the grace to thank our volunteers for all the work they do.
We have eaten loads of crappy foods after practice because "We earned it."

As our Penance, we promise to clean up our gear, do our committee work, practice hard.  We will also do 100 dips, two minute planks, and 50 "Hello Dollies".  We promise to be better teammates and not treat our league mates and others like lesser beings.  And finally, we promise to stop eating greasy, fattening foods after much....sometimes....once in a while.
Can I just do extra planks and horde my Sour Patch kids?



  1. Replies
    1. Crop dusting is when you pass gas as you pass by someone - much as crop dusters spray a mist of pesticide across a field, you crop dust when you waft a fart onto someone as you move around them.

  2. What's a Hello Dolly?? Never heard of form of torture?