Friday, March 16, 2012

Derby Dating: Do or Doo-doo? Part I

I love writing on hot button topics, because EVERYONE has opinions on certain topics.  I've been toying with doing a derby dating blog for a while, because I have definite opinions about dating in derby, but I'm going to share the feedback I've received from other skaters and people involved in derby.  Unfortunately, this topic is TOO BIG for just one blog entry, so I will definitely be revisiting it again.  If you have feedback on this topic, please don't be shy and let me know!

All artwork can be found on my site here.

The best answer I got on the Facebook prompt I posted was from Jasper Newton "pardon my french here but I told myself when I got involved with this I was keeping my dick out of the derby."  Wow.  After I giggled for five minutes, I thought about how difficult it might be, not dating anyone in derby.  Derby is a harsh mistress by herself: she takes your time, your energy, and almost all of your damned cash!  I totally understand why people end up dating in derby; it's almost like dating at the office or workplace.  Who else in this world do you spend more time with?  Who else would understand the dedication it takes to be a derby person, male or female?  Derby makes the endorphins flow, and emotions are high and intense; of course people are going to hook up!

The problem with dating in derby is that your relationship is bigger than just the two of you.  Remember at Thanksgiving and your parents were arguing about something in front of the entire family?  Well derby couples, you just became mom and dad in your league.  You have an up day, and practice is fantastic!  People are smiling and relaxed around the two of you, and everyone can practically see the animated bluebirds from Snow White fluttering around your shoulders.  Unfortunately, the opposite can happen too.  The two of you have a fight at home and you bring that energy to practice.  Now nothing is good!  People are tiptoeing around the two of you and whispering that you're fighting, which probably doesn't improve either of your moods.  If you are the rare couple that can keep your drama away from your league, then we should clone you, or you should write a book!  Please remember that fairly or unfairly, your relationship can have a huge impact on the atmosphere of your team or your league.

You also have to be very careful about the appearance of favoritism, especially if one of you is a coach or a captain or a ref.  You have to work extra hard not to even show a peep of extra attention; if your partner is slacking off, are you letting him or her get away with more than the other skaters?  Trust me, the other skaters will notice.  The other skaters may feel like you're being biased anyway, even if you're not; it's part of the reason why most companies do not allow dating in the work place.  And on a personal note, please please please don't break up the night before a game!  If that happens, then I feel like your entire team should get a free pass on kicking the instigator in the shins....and the team gets to wear their skates.

Whether you end up in derby dating situation or not, you need to remember that relationships should be built on more than just your mutual love for a sport that most people stay in for less than four years.  Don't fall for each other just because you're there!  Do you still like each other when you take your skates off....and not just your pants!

To be continued!  Please find me on Facebook and let me know if you want to talk derby dating!

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