Sunday, March 9, 2014

The Annoying Injuries

Last week I wrote about derby injuries, and how so many of worry about an injury that can end your career, or really impact your personal life permanently. But, what about the super annoying and inconvenient injuries that just mess up your week, or even just a practice. They aren't serious, but nobody wants to experience them.  I've had several minor injuries that have just annoyed or pissed me off, and I thought I would share my list of the MOST annoying ones I've experienced.

1. Blisters.  Blisters suck no matter who you are. When I first started skating, I had a pair of cheap Carrerras that gave me every blister known to mankind. I had a blister form over an existing blister, and it became infected; yea! The doctors thought it might be MRSA, and I had to take a million antibiotics. Thank goodness it wasn't MRSA, and thank goodness I shelled out the money for a pair of all leather boots that next week. Also, SMART WOOL is the best invention ever. Look into it if you're not allergic to wool.

2. Tailbone bruises.  I just got one the other week by sitting on my own damned wheels. No, you may not see the bruise as it is inside of my buttcheeks. Tailbone bruises affect your daily life in weird and unexpected ways, such as sneezing....ow....coughing...ow....pooping...ow...sitting wrong....ow....trying to sleep on your back...ow.  Just when I think it's safe to sit down somewhere, I'm immediately reminded of why that should never happen without copious butt padding.

3. Broken fingers. You'd think fingers wouldn't get messed up in derby; well, you'd be wrong. I've had my fingers broken several times; usually it's just a hairline fracture, or a jammed joint, but damn, they can really cramp your style, especially if your job calls for using your hands for writing with a opening a door.

4. Broken noses. If you haven't had the pleasure of breaking your nose in derby yet, let me tell you that everyone should experience it once. I'm kidding, but seriously, it's one of the most painful and immediate injuries I've ever had. I don't know how people who get punched directly in the nose keep fighting in movies or on tv; I guess I'm a wuss, because one good shot to the honker, and I would give up and tap out. The first time someone broke my nose, the blood poured out all over the track, and I knew exactly what had happened. All the fight rained out of me with the puddle of my blood. I had to sit on the bench with a tampon up my nose; trust me, that's a real buzz kill. Worse yet, I had to go to work the next day and when I tried to put my glasses on, my nose said "Nuh-hunh." It was weeks before I was able to comfortably wear glasses again, and the cold I ever had caused sneezing, pain and crazy nosebleeds. It really is the injury that keeps on giving.

I also kicked my derby wife once. :(
5. Shin kicks. Who hasn't been kicked in the shins? If you read my blog with any consistency you know I advocate shin guards. I got clipped once when I was a rookie, and I had to sit out due to the focus of pain on my right shin. The next day, I stopped at Dick's sporting goods and bought shin guards. Everyone gave me crap, and yet six years later, I have never had a repeat of that injury. All it took for me was one time; hopefully you will never have to experience it, but if you do, get some shin guards!

6.  Hip bruises. Ever fall as a newbie from doing hockey stops over and over and over again? Yeah, I did. I don't think my left hip will ever be the same again. I actually have a spot on my lower hip which I call my "dead zone." I bruised the hell out of it from falling repeatedly on it. I think I could probably light a match and burn myself there, and never feel it.

And there you have it. I'm sure everyone has their own version of their annoying injury list; my hope for you is that you aren't ever bedeviled by annoying injuries in your derby career. Unfortunately, that's probably not going to be the case. Just don't let them sideline you for two long.


  1. I have to agree with all of these! I'd add the bruised knee from cheap pads that takes forever to heal because you keep falling on it lol.

  2. I would add broken toe to that list. This little piggy has been giving me grief for 6 weeks now. I'm starting to wonder if it will ever heal!

  3. sprained Thumb was my annoying nemesis

  4. Sprained Ankle is my current annoyance!

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