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| My friend Ballz' injuries. |
Like I said, every sport has possibilities for gruesome injuries. Who didn't flinch when that basketball player shattered his leg? We've all seen realllllllly bad injuries in our time in derby. I personally think spiral fractures are the most gnarly but even the invisible ones, like an ACL tear can sideline a player permanently. Let's face it, part of the appeal to our sport is the danger, and sometimes we have to pay the price to play.
When I get injured from playing derby, I immediately have guilty feelings. I know that doesn't sound rational, but with every injury I get, I feel bad. It's as if I can hear my mother saying "I told you that you'd get hurt doing that crazy derby stuff!" If it's just a bruise, I can laugh it off or ignore it, but if it's something more serious, I go through a litany of questions I ask myself.
1. How bad is it? No seriously, how bad is it? Will I be able to skate anymore? If I have to stop, for how long? Is there blood? Should there be blood?
2. How is the going to effect my day to day life? Mr. Q puts up with a shit ton of crap from derby on a pretty regular basis (broken nose twice, ankle injuries, broken fingers, numerous bruises), and if I've just hurt myself and it will effect stuff at home, I'm going to feel so stupid and selfish. Will he have to take care of the dogs by himself, cook all the dinners, take care of daily life all by himself? Am I going to keep him up tossing and turning all night because I'm in pain? Also, I'm pretty sure he doesn't like seeing me hobble around after an injury. Nobody likes to see loved ones hurting.
3. How is this going to effect my job? My prior job had be lifting heavy stuff and then sitting in front of computer for hours on end. It was the perfect storm of discomfort from sitting there, and straight up pain from back issues, arm issues, ankle issues....ugh. I was always worried about coming back from a derby event injured. I'm sure it didn't help that my ex boss was kind of a giant jerk about derby in the first place, but he is my boss no longer.
4. What if I need surgery? Surgery is pretty much my line in the sand about quitting derby. I've seen so many of my idols and friends going through one or two major surgeries due to derby, sometimes for the exact same injury, and I don't think I could ever go back out and skate as confidently again. I admire people for going through surgery, rehab, and coming back to derby as strong as ever, but I just don't think I have it in me.
5. Am I too old for this shit? Seriously, I'm getting up there in years and real life limitations are going to demand attention after a while. I'm holding my own against 20 somethings, but I know that I will be facing more challenges than they will soon. Osteoporosis is something I consider when witnessing a derby injury, especially if it's a bone break. "Would that have been even worse if it had been me?" Of course, then I take all of the calcium I can and lift weights to help my bone density, but it still crosses my mind.
So, when you get injured, and people wish you a speedy recovery, it's not because they don't care about your struggle; it's because they're afraid of what your derby injury represents to them. Is that a selfish thing to think? Absolutely, but it's a natural reaction to the evidence that our favorite sport is a possible life changer, and not for the best of reasons.
FWIW I badly injured my neck bowling... BOWLING! I'm talking I needed percocets and physio therapy... I couldn't move for weeks... sleeping sucked, standing sucked, sitting sucked... I think I would have been happier if it had of happened on skates....
ReplyDeleteYeah, that's so true. I hate when I do something stupid to myself when I'm off skates!
DeleteMost of my teammates ignored me when I had to take a break to get my surgery.
ReplyDeleteI'm sorry to hear that. I know it happens, and sometimes people don't know how to approach injured skaters. Honesty, it's not just a derby issue....we tend to have issues dealing with injured and sick people in society. :(
DeleteYep, it's a big problem allright. Thought this was a good post to help people deal with injured teammates. http://derbyfatty.tumblr.com/post/85525646851/how-to-help-your-injured-teammate
DeleteThis is exactly what I've been running through in my head since breaking my ankle about 6 weeks ago, and my emotions have been all over the map about whether I can come back or not. Day to day sucked, work from home sucked, no surgery thank goodness, but omg wtf am I doing at 45 still playing this sport??! I've been ignoring the question while I got back on my feet, but now that the rehab really starts, every pain threatens to take away my confidence. I always said I couldn't imagine coming back from an injury, but then it happened and I was sort of in denial (I think I uttered the words "minor setback!" more than once, ha. The best advice I got was from my wife, who just kept saying, you don't have to decide anything right now; your job is to heal and recover and rehab, and THEN you can decide. I try to keep reminding myself of that.
ReplyDeleteYou're right about people not knowing how to approach injured skaters, though; if you're injured, you will need help, and you *do* have to speak up and ask for what you need, whether that's visits or safe places to vent, or coffee runs or knitting buddies or derby-watching buddies or whatever. Reach out to your teammates!!
The last 9 months I had my share of injuries. Broken finger, hurt back and shoulder injuries kept me from regular practices. Getting ready just in time (maybe not 100%) for that awesome tournament. But love the sport so much that I willingly do that to myself and my body. Still hope that injury will be the last. But knowing myself giving it all on track, the possibility will be that there will be more. As long as I can manage I will go on. Knowing that one day it will end.
ReplyDeleteI am still recovering from my ACL Reconstruction, and have hopes to come back. Reality still hasn't kicked in. It may once I put those skates back on, but I am a bit terrified.
ReplyDeleteThis is exactly whats going on in my head. I draw and craft, hopefully acquiring a tattoo apprenticeship someday, I'm worried about effing my arm up and not only screwing myself out of the things I love doing and passionate about, but also screwing myself out of my dream job :/
ReplyDeleteGood lordy I've had my share - came back to derby after shattering first one leg and then, a year later, the other. I think everyone processes that type of experience differently. For me, I figured (well, FIRST I figured "how in the hell can that happen TWICE?!), that I heal well and tolerate pain well, so I just kept moving forward (at least until my last surgery in September - still not 100% from that one yet). Bodies heal but we all wonder about the repercussions later. Check back with me in 20 years and I'll give the straight dope. 7 derby breaks out of 15 total breaks so far. BTW my teammates were DA BOMB.. Those sweet crazies fed me and helped me pack and move when I couldn't. <3
ReplyDeleteYes!! The denial part is so true. I've now broken both ankles, and has surgery on both, in less than a year. There are skaters that literally won't talk to me while I am obviously recovering. When I went back to skating after the first break, they started talking to me again like nothing had happened. Skaters definitely don't want to see the reality of what could happen to them. Two breaks in one year, the last one pretty bad, was my line in the sand. I'm a personal trainer and group fitness instructor, so when I'm broken I can't work at all. I can't keep doing this to my husband, either. He's pretty wonderful, didn't say, you're quitting! Instead, as I was laying in the ER waiting for the dr to realign my foot, he said, I'm not telling you to quit, it's your decision. But, I'm asking that you do. Being broken creates so much work for your significant other. I don't know how single people get through it. My derby fam has been great about donations, food, and walking the dog. They're not as great a visiting. Again, I think it's part of the denial thing. Seeing me in my recliner, on crutches, or motoring on my scooter makes it all too real.
ReplyDeleteSO right about the added burden on partners. It makes me think twice about putting myself at risk again.
DeleteYesterday after practice, we had a local surgeon who handles primarily sports injuries come and talk with our league members about prevention, treatment, strength & conditioning, and that sort of thing. One of the things he did before he came to talk to us was read up a little more about our sport; he said that most sports have an injury rate associated with its athletes. Some sports it's about 50% of the athletes who play that will suffer a major injury of some sort....but with roller derby, he said that it was more like around 85%. I do now know where he got his numbers from, so I can't validate that claim; however....it is not surprising. I've got my own list of injuries, as do my teammates, and there are several serious, some recurring, you name it. It's always hard to know what to say to a teammate who is suffering, and it's also hard to watch a teammate struggle trying to figure out what to say when you are the one who is injured. The good thing is that in every experience I've had or seen, everyone it trying to be supportive, even if they are not sure how to do that. THAT is one of the reasons I love this sport!
ReplyDeleteI have never beem scared of or even concerned about derby injuries until this week. I have had my share of soft tissue damage, my derby wife recently had a major break and was unable to do anything for 6 weeks. Who cares, part of the sport, rehab and come back! Suddenly my mind has been changed, by the one injury we rarely talk about or even acknowledge...CONCUSSION. I was concussed last week and this week has been really scarry. My head hurts, I could not work all week, mood alterations, hard time finding words, confusion, cant drive to do things for my kid, in a dazed state for over a week. Yes I am under an MD care and will not return to play without proper supervision but now I wonder, "should I play again"? "what if this happens again"? "what kind of long term damage can be sustained"? This is the injury we are all truly in denial about and minimize if not ignore when it happens. How many times do we see skaters bang their head or take nasty impact and just keep on skating when we know they should not but they refuse care.
ReplyDeleteI am a giant advocate of our sport acknowledging the devastating effects of concussions. If you read my blog on a regular basis, you know about my friend Percy Q-Tion, who died of brain trauma. I can't stress enough how important proper head protection is, and how important leagues take head injuries.
DeleteI came back from my first ACL surgery slowly. It took me a while, but I eventually equalled and then surpassed my previous skills on the track. I was really coming into my own as a derby player and I really felt like I was an asset on the tack. Then I tore the reconstructed ACL again.
ReplyDeleteAnd now I'm done. Two surgeries within 3 years for the same injury in the same sport. I feel incredibly guilty, but at the same time, I'm relieved by my decision. I have hopes and intentions to keep reffing, but admittedly, my love of the sport has waned a bit.
When I was injured, I just didn't couldn't drag myself to practices; it made me depressed. But not going to practices made me feel guilty. I was in a constant battle where I was damned if I did, damned if I didn't. I think a huge part of it was that I felt abandoned. People just don't know how to act when you're injured, especially an injury with such an extended recovery period.
I am so sorry to hear that. :(
DeleteInjuries you can't see are the worst in my opinion.
ReplyDeleteTwo seasons ago I had three fractured ribs and BREATHING was excruciating. (I ended up with Pneumonia and Pleurisy.) For months I could NOT get comfortable. I couldn't wear a bra, or even a seat belt. I was exhausted b/c I couldn't sleep w/o drugs, strung out, and lonely b/c I couldn't even GET to practice, and skates were obvs out of the question. Initially people understood, but DAYS later the questions came. WHEN are you coming back? Weeks passed nd I was BACK at practice but off skates: WHEN are you coming back? They couldn't understand that I was BROKEN, even though there was no cast, no crutches. It was frustrating. To want something so bad, but KNOW you have to wait b/c you know, breathing.
I wonder if we would feel guilty for being injured if we did it in some other sport.
ReplyDeleteYou have a point. As you mentioned earlier, danger will always be a part of the sport. The reason is that certain injuries can have a permanent impact to one's body in the long run. Therefore, it’s important for the athletes to be prepared for these kind of situations that they might encounter while playing.
ReplyDeletePatricia Briggs @ Source Brokerage