That pretty much sums it up. Back in 2009, I met my derby wife in my league, Riva Derci. During my first year, I went through some pretty rough transitions in derby. At one point in my rookie year, I was co captain with her, she helped me through a pretty traumatic injury, and she was just someone who made me feel she would always keep me grounded in derby. After a while, we just sort of looked at each other and said "I guess we're derby wives." We never had a ceremony, or made a big deal of it, but she is my one and only derby wife. When she left derby at the end of 2010, I was sad, but she still has my back and is my sounding board when I need to vent about derby, my life, or whatever in general. Riva and I hang out; she models for my art projects and we enjoy various nerdy things. I've also gently threatened any gentlemen callers she's had to make sure they knew I was watching them and to treat my wife right! I'm thankful to derby that I got to meet such an awesome person who has become a true friend.
|Did I mention nerdy stuff?|
|Our first invitational together! I will never have another derby wife.|
1. You feel pressured to get a derby wife. Personally, the best part of finding my derby wife was the finding. I wasn't looking for that kind of relationship, but I was happy to find it. If you feel pressured by derby peers to get a derby wife so you're more firmly ensconced in the league, then maybe you should reconsider your league's culture. Nobody "needs" to get a derby wife, but if you find that special someone, then don't fight it!
2. Your derby wife has left your league or derby, and you feel like you need to "divorce" her. Well, if your derby wife is such a good friend to you, then you two need to sit down and talk about your marital status like adults. Just like any marriage, if it isn't meeting both of your needs, then maybe it's time to reevaluate the situation. I personally will never have another derby wife again, but I'm an old fashioned kind of gal.
3. You have derby wife envy. You're a happily married derby couple, but then you meet this lady, and you have instant chemistry. Do you leave your current derby wife? Do you become a derby bigamist? Once again, I know this isn't a real life marriage, but you should really be able to sit down with your derby wife and talk about the direction of your relationship. Do you both want to go in for polygamy? Do you want to have derby mistresses? How about derby extended families? Stop me when you think I've gone over the edge with this, and according to the responses I got, I haven't gone too far yet!
4. Your derby marriage is having a negative impact on your real life relationships. Be careful of this one; spouses and significant others put up with a lot of things in derby. Make sure that your derby marriage doesn't cause too many waves with your real one. If your real life significant other and your derby wife don't get along, then it is up to you to see if you can smooth the waters over.
Whether or not you indulge in derby marriage, there are people who still uphold these traditions. I think a derby wife is a fun thing, and for the most part can enhance your derby experience, but I've also seen derby marriages bring more drama into an already explosive culture. In other words, they can be just like any other marriage in the world. Just make sure you're focusing in on the important part of derby, and not all of the frivolous trappings that go along with it!