Dear Mr. Zebra,
I am so sorry that I had a random hissy fit on the track last night; I was not myself and I might have made you uncomfortable with my display of annoyance. For that, I truly apologize, but please hear out my side of the story.
If you don't remember the incident in question, let me review for you. I hit Skater X out to the inside, and she totally cut me. Since I was the foremost blocker, she should have been promptly sent to the box. I know you are aware of this rule (because you called me twice for doing the same thing), but since you saw it happen and didn't call her for a major, I was a little annoyed and started waving my arms gesturing at where the scene of the crime took place. Yes, when I fell to my knees and started crying and wailing at the exact spot on the track, it was probably too much. When I chalk-marked an outline of her feet over the line, that was definitely too much. I think the last straw was when I offered to get you an eye exam; that was just rude, and I do apologize. (But I do know where you can get an excellent check up, so if you're interested, let me know.)
Now, you need to understand the background of the whole scene; I was suffering from PMS all day, and I think my blood sugar spiked and plummeted from all of the chocolate I was eating before the bout. I had a new mouth guard in, and it was giving me a terrible headache because I didn't form it correctly; to be honest, it wasn't even my mouth guard, but a teammate's. I also broke two laces on my skates, and I had to scrounge up a new pair before we started the game, and they didn't match! Clearly, you can see that I was in a compromised emotional state during the game for very serious reasons.
I hate to take things to a personal level, but please understand that Skater X had been talking smack to me all evening. She said that I was fat and my booty shorts looked ridiculous, which hurt my self esteem and self worth. She made fun of my mismatched laces, and the fact that I had a glob of chocolate melted to the front of my jersey. I also heard her say that you didn't look good in stripes, and I was just trying to defend your honor. So you see, I felt I was justified in pointing out her egregious and flagrant track cut.
Once again, I do apologize for my behavior on the track. I also apologize for suggesting that you were being paid by the other team to look the other way. My coach has had a stern talking to me and I will be starting an anger management course next week.
PS. I heard that someone put a melted chocolate bar in your skate bag. I apologize for that anonymous act as well, even though I obviously had nothing to do with that whatsoever.