The dumbest penalties you can earn on the track.

Let me warn you that the following blog came from a screed I had while driving home after reffing a coed invitational.  I was extremely tired due to the fact that I had practiced for four and a half hours with my league, driven for an hour and a half, reffed two games and drove home while dodging deer.  Of course, I was muttering to myself the whole time, so I decided to share it with all of you!

Number one, please for the love of your teeth, KEEP YOUR MOUTH GUARDS IN!!!!!  There is nothing dumber than getting a major for not having your protective gear on, and that includes your mouth guard!  I know that getting on the track, getting off of the track, trying to speak clearly, and drinking water are complicated things, but there is NO EXCUSE for forgetting to put your mouth guard in!  Leaving your mouth guard jammed in the vent hole of your helmet is tantamount to leaving your purse on the roof of your car and driving away!  I will say this, it seems like most people get this penalty ONCE in their career, and then they never forget.  Try to learn from some other player's mistakes!  If you are constantly fiddling with your mouth guard because it is bulky and you can't breathe well with it in, then it is time to upgrade to a better mouth guard. 

I don't smile big often, but when I do, I like having teeth in my head!  I also like shiny silver pants!

Number two, putting your hands on someone on the track.  Now, I'm not talking about forearms or accidentally taking a whip off of the wrong teammate; no, I'm talking about attacking someone on the track because you have lost your s***.  Look people, we play a full contact sport where we can slam our bodies into people at a high rate of speed and cause some serious mayhem.  Why the HELL do you feel the need to punch someone?  This includes shoving someone, throwing your helmet or slapping someone.  If you have this kind of anger when you play derby, maybe it's time to start investing in counseling or possibly time to take up another sport! Derby is crazy enough without adding your own brand of psychosis, so save that for the shrink's couch and play the game.  Playing well is the best revenge you can have.

Remember, Rock em Sock em Robots or whatever that crappy movie was is not derby!

Getting an extra minute thrown onto a penalty because you mouthed off to the ref.  Sigh, I'm guilty of this one at times, even though I have never earned that extra minute. (Knock on wood).  We all need to shut our mouths when it comes to the refs.  As refs grow more comfortable and confident with the rules, they are not taking kindly to our "feedback on the track."  If you keep your mouth shut and let your captain and coaches know why you might have a disagreement with a ruling, and you need to let them deal with it.  Remember, most players don't know every single penalty we commit in the heat of the moment, so even though you really feel you're innocent, you may not be.

Dumb penalties are rare, and hopefully if we remind ourselves how stupid it is to hurt our teams by sitting in the box for a stupid decision, they will become extinct!