Wednesday, November 30, 2011

Derby Little Secret: crop dusting and poop decks.

Ok, this is not for the easily offended, but I'm going to talk about a couple of under the table secrets of derby.

First of all, before I joined derby, I was a NORMAL WOMAN!  I did not talk about bowel movements in public, nor did I share my bathroom routines with anyone; it would have been unheard of.  Only men talked about pooping.  I always figured men talked about it so much because it was a creative outlet for them, but when I joined derby, I finally learned that talking and thinking about pooping was going to be a part of my routine from now on.
Everyone Talks About Poop

To be honest, I didn't think about it that much until I started getting into contact drills with my league; up to that point, we fresh meat were sort of working by ourselves with a dedicated trainer.  We didn't really get to listen to all of the "real derby talk" because we were segregated into a safe area until we weren't complete menaces to ourselves and others.  When I joined scrimmage, I began to learn a few things that didn't have to do with skating.

Derby girls talk about poop, a lot.  Before a bout, we are concerned with what we eat because we don't want to have any intestinal issues during the game. I personally check out where safe places are that I can have some "private" time and not feel pressured; I also share these safe places with the rest of the team, just so we all can feel comfortable going into a game. Some players will talk about how many times they have gone that morning, or if they've gone, or what they could eat or drink to make themselves go, but not go too much!  That would be a disaster!  The best advice I've ever given any newbie before their first game is to make sure they GO before they play.  I think Dave Green, a derby photographer, put it best "Hey, I'd rather not have to Photoshop poop out of the derby shots!"

Derby girls also talk about passing gas.  When someone skates through a pack and farts, it is called crop dusting. Yes, we have a name for it!  Before I joined derby, I would have been pretty shocked to hear some of the statements made about flatulence; now it just seems to be the norm to me.  If you notice that someone crop dusted, you just roll away on your skates.  I've never been so happy to have wheels on my feet at all times.
Skate away!
 Please don't get me started on the burping.

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