Monday, May 20, 2013

Coaching Styles

I was lucky enough to play in the Got to Be NC Tournament this weekend, and I got to experience a lot of new things.  I played in three games against three hard hitting teams, I was able to announce the men's bout and I had my pants yanked down in front of everyone and their brother.  Awesome.  Thank goodness I wear full coverage panties when I play in games!  Whew!  In spite of all of the distractions and fun, and wardrobe malfunctions, I observed something as all four teams played in the tournament; even though every coach is a unique individual, their coaching style can be broken down into common categories.  The Screamer, The Cool Head, The Erupter, and The Usher.

The Screamer
Seems like many men who coach women's roller derby do a lot of yelling.  This might be because roller girls often have the attention span of a cracked out squirrel.  OH SHINY!  I personally do not like The Screamer type of coach because if he's always screaming over every little thing while I'm on the track, I have no idea what I should be marking as "urgent".  Is he yelling because he's just yelling?  Or is he yelling because the opposing jammer is standing up in the box and we need to be aware of our next move?  Is he yelling because his underwear is too tight?  Who knows?  Ever have that annoying neighbor with the car alarm that always goes off?  Screamer coaches are like that to me.  They become background noise, which I eventually ignore.  Maybe they feel so passionate about the sport that they end up yelling and screaming about everything on the derby track, but after an hour of that kind of coaching, I would cease to care if he was passionate or not.  I wonder if refs take The Screamer seriously when they have an issue.  I'm sure referees would never say, but I would think they wouldn't.  JUST MY OPINION.

The Cool Head
I'm having a unique experience this year because our league has a Cool Head coach; he doesn't scream and yell or lose his crap while coaching, but he is intense.  The interesting thing about having an intense coach like that is the fact that he can say something and you feel like he's put a lot of thought into it, no matter if he has or hasn't.  Of course I give my coach the benefit of the doubt, but maybe not all Cool Heads are as thoughtful, but their presentation is awesome.  I'm sure some derby players think that the Cool Head doesn't have the passion that The Screamer has, but I would rather have less chaos on my bench.

The Eruptor
A lot of people confuse The Eruptor with The Screamer, but they're completely different personality types.  The Screamer is a constant barrage of noise, while The Eruptor might present as a Cool Head before he or she erupts into a seething frenzy of yelling or throwing things.  It must be terrifying to have an Eruptor as a coach; people must live in fear of a volcanic eruption at any moment. I often wonder if the players that have an Eruptor as a coach are always flinching!  What a terrible stress to have at a game.
Picture found here

The Usher
The Usher is a ninja bench coach who does line ups and keeps the bench quiet and under control.  The Usher keeps the bench calm and quiet, keeps an eye on who is in the box, and makes rational choices about lineups.  If an Usher coach has done her job well, you won't even notice all of the last minute decisions she had to make.  All hail the Ninja Usher Bench Coach!


  1. going nuts with the psychographic profiling huh? i like.

  2. I've had an Eruptor coach. It was someone who would erupt and then turn into the Screamer. Hard to understand and harder to trust.

    I've recently had the Usher style coach and that is wonderful. Quiet, you barely notice them, but plotting.