Things you would never do in real life

I was at an invitational this weekend, and one of my derby friends casually suggested that I write a blog post about how there are things that are ok to do in the derbyverse, but are a big nono in the real world.  Genius!  There are so many things that I think are more than perfectly acceptable when I'm surrounded by derby peeps, but there is no way they should ever leave the confines of derby.  Ever.  Seriously, ever.

1.  Swapping your shirts in front of people.  In most scrimmage practices my team uses black and white shirts, and often times we have to switch back and forth between them.  If you come into our league with any kind of modesty, then you probably will have it taken out of you after you've changed shirts three times a week.  We don't judge, we just need you to be in the right color.  We've seen everything; muffin tops, bad tattoos, and ill fitting jogging bras are ok to us.  Derby folk have seen it all, but don't whip off your top during open skate, or the mall, or Burger King.  "Outsiders" might not take well to it.

2.  Borrowing someone's sweaty gear.  Would you ask to wear someone's nasty, sweaty, stinky shoes without socks?  Probably not, but derby folk often swap out or borrow disgusting and sweaty gear, shirts, dirty socks and on the rare but documented occasion, a mouth guard.  I suppose that teammate funk is better than stranger funk, but derby folk will borrow some of the most intimate items and not worry about the icky factor.  God forbid you sit on a public toilet!

It looks like a smiley face!

3.  Pulling down your pants to show bruises.  It's not ok to pull down your pants and show your butt to a stranger, but in derby, you can do that all day long. " Look at my bruise!  Do you like this thong I bought?  Look!  You can actually see the outline of the wheel where I sat on it!"  Imagine if someone in a store came up to you and said "Hey, do you want to see this weird growth on my butt?"  I'm pretty sure I would run screaming from anyone who did that, unless they were on skates, of course.

4.  Reaching out and honking someone's butt.  Derby breaks down a lot of barriers, and the most amusing is definitely being able to touch someone's butt, boobs, or other interesting areas.  You would get slapped for most of the "goofing around" contact derby engenders, but imagine if someone grabbed your butt at the library.  Books would fly!

It's funny that we really do have two sets of rules to live by because of our sport.  You can coexist in two worlds, but let's hope you don't let them overlap too much!